3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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