Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
