No stitches, just platelets and will power
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
