so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
