We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
