I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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