Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
