Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
