I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
