If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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