you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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