So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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