i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
