I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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