finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
