just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
