literally had 100 drinks last night.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
