Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
