i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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