i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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