I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
either way he was missing a nipple.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
