I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You were trust falling into bushes
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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