May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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