shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
