just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We have so much sex to catch up on
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
