That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wish I only lived at night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
