wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
