Already got asked if we're dating
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
