Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i think i just lost a toe
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
