..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
why do cheetos always look like penises
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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