just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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