I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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