People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
