I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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