Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
