True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
