pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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