I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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