Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
