I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
