He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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