Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize