mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
