i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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