Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
