just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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