Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize