i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
