worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
