i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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