So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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