when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
