hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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