I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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