she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize