I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
