Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You may now shotgun with the bride
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
