your parents love me but you hate me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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