Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
