Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
