i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
