Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
