i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
