why didn't you poke me back
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if i died would you start the facebook group?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My pussy is not your playground.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
