I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
