I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
