Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
