also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
