LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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