hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
