I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
