Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize