I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
