Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i think my mom watched the whole time
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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