honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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