So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
