i already hear my dad disowning me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
