He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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