The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
