its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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