Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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