Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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