we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
