you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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