i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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