I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
