You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
