I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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