you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize