I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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