cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
