My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
