I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize