They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
