i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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