you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
