i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize